Jeff and I were at a sushi restaurant recently and these are our chopsticks.
Apparently I broke mine wrong... and that was a problem…according to Jeff. At which point, and without asking me I might add, he asked the waitress if I could have a new set.
In my mind, I agree, they don't look perfect and they didn’t break straight down the middle. But, honestly, I just needed to use them to get food in my mouth...from point A to point B, right?
He disagreed and so I asked why he thought so. He proceeded to give me some really great answers why they would be less than perfect for the task at hand, including balance, which I get.
But, me being me, at which point I just proceeded to use them to put food in my mouth. LOL!
You see my DISC style is D and D-wired people are focused on results. My focus in that moment… was getting my food from point A to point B. Ta-da...it worked! Who knew?
But he is C-wired and C-wired people are concerned about things being done with perfection. There is a right and a wrong way to do things. I get it and honest to God, we NEED these people in our lives!
You will often hear D-wired individual say, “Let’s do it”. While C-wired individuals will say, “Let’s do it right!”
For other couples, this could have led to a huge fight, especially if this is a something that consistently comes up where one spouse criticizes or disagrees with the way the other spouse does something. This chopstick scenario could have been like ripping a band-aid off of an unhealed wound. Maybe even leading to comments like, “why do you always do that?” “Why can’t I ever do anything right in your eyes?” or “Why do you always have to complain about the way I do things?” Do any of those sound familiar?
For us, Jeff and I are both well versed in DISC and know each other’s style. So in that moment we bantered back and forth actually talking about how our DISC styles were being brought to light in the situation. We got a good chuckle and moved on with our day. Crisis avoided!!!
If you are struggling to navigate communication with your partner, I’d love to help you. I’ve created a DISC for couples debrief that I can walk you through that will help you better understand how you and your partner are naturally wired to communicate and how you can have better expectations of your partner’s behaviors, especially their behavior under stress. And, I'll say, this has been especially helpful for Jeff and I because, let's face it, sometimes life just sneaks up on you and you might not even realize you are under stress. Now that I know Jeff’s stress signals and tendencies, I can go to him with compassion instead of annoyance and ask if there is anything I can do to help today.
If this sounds like something you’d like to discuss, send me a DM and let’s get on a call and I’ll walk you through the next steps. They are pretty amazing!
